this town is colder now

i've been stuck on a song for the past week in a way that hasn't occured since back in high school, when finding the song that perfectly exemplified my exact state of mind for the day/week/month was something that i was obsessively bent upon doing. admittedly, the love for the song was built more on the sheer sound and the resonating melancholy it conjured up in me, with words and meaning going completely past me with every listen. 

but after sending the song to a friend in attempts to cheer her up last night, this friend with last name oshima pointed out the pronounced qualities of the song, causing me to want to listen a little more carefully.  word by word, i listen in shock as i'm almost brought to tears that this song speaks in the most crisp manner possible the aura that has immersed my mind for months and years.  it brings me to sadness to admit feeling this level of disenchantment and deadness to life.  but hearing this song elaborate on what i scream so fucking loud on the inside breaks me out of the resulting 'stop and stare' on the outside that i have cumulatively felt for too long...   4 minutes at a time.

go ahead to www.myspace.com/homesliceee to hear it.

OneRepublic - Stop and Stare.

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

um..

stop asking God to bless all that you do, but instead FIND what it is that God is doing; GO and do this, as it is this that's being blessed already.          

Currently Listening Make Believe By Weezer perfect situation. see related

the "i can't" mentality.

little did i expect for my frequent excursions to the casino to produce any sort of meaningful gain

until i meet the other night the man who likes to be called "nose" that sits to the right of me at the poker table.

40-something, black male from cabrini green, ridiculously outspoken and unabashed in the most hilarious way possible

who brings his daily devotional book to the casino and proceeds to do his quiet time at the poker table. 

now not a stranger, my run-ins with this friend of mine are frequent

and with this same frequency he teaches me a subtle lesson everytime he responds to the simple question i ask, "how are you?"

he remarks, simply...

"i can't complain."

when hearing this, the lingering effect of fears, small inconveniences, and petty situations are tossed out the window as it's renewed in me - the understanding that damn, god IS good.  and i too, have absolutely not a damn thing to complain about either...because of this.